To a Beautiful Woman I Didn't Know....

I knew you through a good close friend, we had a few things in common; we were both young wives and mothers to small girls, we both surrounded ourselves with good friends and we both were Breast Cancer warriors.

I often inquired about how you were doing, you had a Breast Cancer diagnosis after I had mine. You had a very rough battle with this horrible disease all while taking care of a small child. So I asked about you yesterday, only to be shocked to find out that you were gone and you have been gone for a few weeks now, maybe a month; I don't know, nobody told me.

So I write today to remember you, a woman I prayed for, yet I never knew. But to also let good intentioned friends know that it is okay to tell a Breast Cancer survivor that there are people who don't survive the disease. We all know the ugly truth of the disease. Mine was caught very early, but you can sure as heck know that I am aware of my mortality statistics...

In keeping the death of a dear woman and fellow warrior away from those who have survived, we essentially deny this fallen soldier the credit she deserves for battling with such grace, dignity and strength.

Though it may pain you to know that Breast Cancer survivors will shed tears when another person dies of Breast Cancer, it is not out of self-pity or fear of our own demise. The tears are for the loss of a life too soon and all that could have been had a cure been found for this terrible disease just one day earlier.


Rest in peace, Lynn. We will keep fighting!

Time To Fly Little Bird...

Even if your mom is not quite ready for you to go.

One of the realizations that I had when I was diagnosed with cancer and facing my own mortality was that my eldest daughter was painfully attached to me. She had always been that way ever since she was born. We as parents did nothing to discourage that. As an infant she would cry so hard when I would leave her that she would make herself sick; so I didn't leave her very often.

As she got older, we continued the doting and essentially we became what modern sociologists call "helicopter parents"...always hovering, tending to every need and whimper and always acting on behalf of the child instead of kindly encouraging the child to do for herself. While it seemed that we were raising a kind, bright, self-adjusted kid, a cancer diagnosis made it crystal clear to me that this kind of parenting would make it all the more difficult for my daughter to cope if I were to die of this disease (not to sound morbid, but that is what was going through my mind at the time).

Often I have discussed my learning's from cancer, but to date I have wanted to explain how it dramatically changed my parenting style from one of continuous attention to my girls to conscious empowerment of my girls. It was important that if something were to happen to me, my daughters would be okay. I made a point of starting to encourage them to solve their own conflicts, do things more often for themselves, and continue to build their self-confidence. The end result was that I had to let go and now it feels so much easier and lighter to parent children who take pride in being independent and confident in their abilities to make decisions of their own.

While I am still far from being a perfect parent, I am proud of the fact that I have been able to let my children fly by the parenting choices I have made, and not because of the losses they could have faced had my fight with cancer had taken a different path. Watching my kids soar is the best feeling a mother could ever have.

Hannah and Jessie...You make me proud every day. Keep on flying!