To a Beautiful Woman I Didn't Know....

I knew you through a good close friend, we had a few things in common; we were both young wives and mothers to small girls, we both surrounded ourselves with good friends and we both were Breast Cancer warriors.

I often inquired about how you were doing, you had a Breast Cancer diagnosis after I had mine. You had a very rough battle with this horrible disease all while taking care of a small child. So I asked about you yesterday, only to be shocked to find out that you were gone and you have been gone for a few weeks now, maybe a month; I don't know, nobody told me.

So I write today to remember you, a woman I prayed for, yet I never knew. But to also let good intentioned friends know that it is okay to tell a Breast Cancer survivor that there are people who don't survive the disease. We all know the ugly truth of the disease. Mine was caught very early, but you can sure as heck know that I am aware of my mortality statistics...

In keeping the death of a dear woman and fellow warrior away from those who have survived, we essentially deny this fallen soldier the credit she deserves for battling with such grace, dignity and strength.

Though it may pain you to know that Breast Cancer survivors will shed tears when another person dies of Breast Cancer, it is not out of self-pity or fear of our own demise. The tears are for the loss of a life too soon and all that could have been had a cure been found for this terrible disease just one day earlier.


Rest in peace, Lynn. We will keep fighting!

Do You See What I See?

I haven't published in some time, busy with a new chapter in my life. My girls are good, well adjusted to my divorce, but I think they still are waiting to see how I move about this life; their role model, per say.

We women are tough, even before we get older we are self-deprecating about the way we look. The root cause is not totally known; societal expectations or just our need to feel beautiful and accepted. Over time it is inevitable that our bodies will change simply by age, babies, or in my case by disease.

The real question I have yet to answer is "how do I look at myself in the mirror and like what I see?" If it isn't our hair, it's our weight or it's the clothes that make us look fat. Why do we do this to ourselves? It becomes even more difficult to like what you see when you look at a body that has in some ways failed us. Cancer survivors often have feelings of anger that the body we took such care of let us down in the worst kind of way. Even Lance Armstrong had such thoughts, if you have never read, It's Not About the Bike, you must!

Knowing that I have two little girls watching my every move, it becomes even more important for me to embrace the imperfect and flawed face and the body I see when I look in the mirror. There can be no lack of confidence with this because out there are two sets of beautiful blue eyes looking at me, trying to see how a woman is supposed to feel about herself. This is no easy task as I have lacked confidence in the way I look since I was not much older than them. I know it seems shallow, but I also know I'm not the only woman who feels this way.

All the more reason for me to break the chain with my girls...Wish me luck!