I Am The Other Woman....

Well, October is here, Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I really did not want to write this year, and I am having a hard time focusing on my fundraising efforts, I think after 4 years I may be heading into some sort or survival denial.

Initially I was involved with this cause because I had felt the need to get myself and my daughters behind a cause that affected family members, friends and acquaintances...Not me though. Every year we walked for all those "other women" who had the disease, not for me though. This wasn't a disease I was going to get. I kept my weight in check, was a runner, had a healthy diet, breastfed my children, didn't smoke or drink (at least heavily). It just wasn't going to happen to me.

Then it did, a diagnosis hit me from out of nowhere at age 37. No symptoms, no lump, just a gut feeling that something was wrong. I asked for a mammogram, just because. Got the letter from the Radiologist that there was an abnormal calcification, okay so what, abnormal readings happen, they were just being cautious. I was not going to be that "other woman."

My primary physician insisted on a biopsy right away. When my surgeon didn't have the same sense of urgency, my primary switched my surgeon. In the summer of 2006, I had a stereotactic biopsy and BAM....Invasive Ductal Carcinoma AKA Breast Cancer. I was now the "other woman" and my life changed forever...for better and for worse...and if it could happen to me, who the "hell" could be next.

My worst fears...were and are that that my girls will have to face this in 20 years. You see, a diagnosis for the mother of little girls sucks (at the time my girls were 3 and 6) because the worry is not only for one's own survival so that you can see your parenting mission through, it is also for your girls. The darkest concern here is that your babies will be destined to travel the same rough road that you had to travel through. Every parent's primary instinct is to protect their young and mine was no different at the time. So to face these fears, I was gene tested for BRCA 1 and 2. The test was negative, which meant that my girls could not inherit a gene from me that could predestine them to a breast and ovarian cancer diagnosis. Big news!

So where is this post going...the point is that we all go through life thinking we are going to live a smooth and happy existence, coasting through the many joys of life has to offer. We never think we are going to be that "other woman" and some day there is a 1 in 8 chance we will be her. While this may not seem like a high percentage, think about the lottery. If you knew you had a 1 in 8 chance of winning $1,000,000, you would put a nice bet on this chance to win.

All I ask is that you consider placing that same importance on your annual screenings; your mammogram, your pap smear, your MRI, whatever test you are told you need, don't put it off! An early detection saves lives, it saved my life in 2006.

Happy Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Be well and have a great year!

To a Beautiful Woman I Didn't Know....

I knew you through a good close friend, we had a few things in common; we were both young wives and mothers to small girls, we both surrounded ourselves with good friends and we both were Breast Cancer warriors.

I often inquired about how you were doing, you had a Breast Cancer diagnosis after I had mine. You had a very rough battle with this horrible disease all while taking care of a small child. So I asked about you yesterday, only to be shocked to find out that you were gone and you have been gone for a few weeks now, maybe a month; I don't know, nobody told me.

So I write today to remember you, a woman I prayed for, yet I never knew. But to also let good intentioned friends know that it is okay to tell a Breast Cancer survivor that there are people who don't survive the disease. We all know the ugly truth of the disease. Mine was caught very early, but you can sure as heck know that I am aware of my mortality statistics...

In keeping the death of a dear woman and fellow warrior away from those who have survived, we essentially deny this fallen soldier the credit she deserves for battling with such grace, dignity and strength.

Though it may pain you to know that Breast Cancer survivors will shed tears when another person dies of Breast Cancer, it is not out of self-pity or fear of our own demise. The tears are for the loss of a life too soon and all that could have been had a cure been found for this terrible disease just one day earlier.


Rest in peace, Lynn. We will keep fighting!

Do You See What I See?

I haven't published in some time, busy with a new chapter in my life. My girls are good, well adjusted to my divorce, but I think they still are waiting to see how I move about this life; their role model, per say.

We women are tough, even before we get older we are self-deprecating about the way we look. The root cause is not totally known; societal expectations or just our need to feel beautiful and accepted. Over time it is inevitable that our bodies will change simply by age, babies, or in my case by disease.

The real question I have yet to answer is "how do I look at myself in the mirror and like what I see?" If it isn't our hair, it's our weight or it's the clothes that make us look fat. Why do we do this to ourselves? It becomes even more difficult to like what you see when you look at a body that has in some ways failed us. Cancer survivors often have feelings of anger that the body we took such care of let us down in the worst kind of way. Even Lance Armstrong had such thoughts, if you have never read, It's Not About the Bike, you must!

Knowing that I have two little girls watching my every move, it becomes even more important for me to embrace the imperfect and flawed face and the body I see when I look in the mirror. There can be no lack of confidence with this because out there are two sets of beautiful blue eyes looking at me, trying to see how a woman is supposed to feel about herself. This is no easy task as I have lacked confidence in the way I look since I was not much older than them. I know it seems shallow, but I also know I'm not the only woman who feels this way.

All the more reason for me to break the chain with my girls...Wish me luck!