Even if your mom is not quite ready for you to go.One of the realizations that I had when I was diagnosed with cancer and facing my own mortality was that my eldest daughter was painfully attached to me. She had always been that way ever since she was born. We as parents did nothing to discourage that. As an infant she would cry so hard when I would leave her that she would make herself sick; so I didn't leave her very often.
As she got older, we continued the doting and essentially we became what modern sociologists call "helicopter parents"...always hovering, tending to every need and whimper and always acting on behalf of the child instead of kindly encouraging the child to do for herself. While it seemed that we were raising a kind, bright, self-adjusted kid, a cancer diagnosis made it crystal clear to me that this kind of parenting would make it all the more difficult for my daughter to cope if I were to die of this disease (not to sound morbid, but that is what was going through my mind at the time).
Often I have discussed my learning's from cancer, but to date I have wanted to explain how it dramatically changed my parenting style from one of continuous attention to my girls to conscious empowerment of my girls. It was important that if something were to happen to me, my daughters would be okay. I made a point of starting to encourage them to solve their own conflicts, do things more often for themselves, and continue to build their self-confidence. The end result was that I had to let go and now it feels so much easier and lighter to parent children who take pride in being independent and confident in their abilities to make decisions of their own.
While I am still far from being a perfect parent, I am proud of the fact that I have been able to let my children fly by the parenting choices I have made, and not because of the losses they could have faced had my fight with cancer had taken a different path. Watching my kids soar is the best feeling a mother could ever have.
Hannah and Jessie...You make me proud every day. Keep on flying!
