How to Drive Off-Road...and Survive a Cancer Diagnosis at the Same Time

During my difficult time with my diagnosis, I had moments where I didn't think I could keep it together. My news was rough, kind of like driving on a straight, smooth well lit highway and then bam, all of a sudden you are off road in the dark. If you have never driven that way, it is a shocker, some panic, some stop altogether but I had to keep going...for the sake of my two little girls.

Since then, I have had friends and acquaintances who have also been diagnosed with cancer. I shared my techniques for this off-road experience, if I can call it that. Here goes:

1. Have a great, compassionate Oncologist. If you select one and they don't turn out to be what you expected, switch doctors. My doctor supported me and gave me the confidence in going and getting a second opinion, reviewing all my options and taking a little time to finalize my treatment decisions. There are so many choices and elements of the disease that you don't have control over when you are diagnosed with cancer. Your doctor should give you the freedom to explore all of your potential directions before you drive on to make any major life decisions. As an example, my Oncologist upon hearing that I wanted a second opinion from a major hospital in NY told me to go for the second opinion without hesitation and to take the time that I needed to finalize my treatment plan.

2. Let your friends and family help you while you are experiencing your extreme off-road ride. I have never been one to ask for help, but what a relief it was to come home from a surgery and have dinner already prepared. It was also such a blessing to know that my kids were well cared for while I had to take care of health issues. It is very hard when one is diagnosed and they are still the primary caregiver for the family. Anything your friends and family can do to help will make the road a little less rocky. Your task is to focus on the ride, let others help with the rest.

3. Read a good book to keep your fears in check. Power Freedom and Grace by Deepak Chopra was a book I carried with me to the doctor's visits, test, surgery, etc. The book kept my thoughts grounded when I felt like I may panic about the ride ahead. I also liked reading InStyle Magazine as a way to divert my thoughts and think about something besides coping with a cancer diagnosis, a new pair of shoes perhaps.

4.Escape into a frivolous television show. I started watching Sex and the City reruns and I think the reason I connected so well with the show at that time in my life is because it was a way to escape from the terrifying reality of what I was going through at that time into a fun world of women and everyday women issues. It allowed me to connect with "normal life" if you can really call that series "normal." Breast cancer affects women on so many levels, to stay connected with womanhood is an important part of smoothing out the rough ride.

5. Be kind to your body and mind. My Mom brought me double dark chocolate Lindt truffles. My friend, who also happens to be my hairdresser, took care of my hair when I couldn't. I had my nails done, even though I wasn't getting them done before I was diagnosed. Meditation and yoga helped to keep my body and mind connected. These are little things that you can do for yourself when you are driving off road in the dirt and the mud. They keep you feeling well cared for at a time where you are questioning your faith in your own body. Did mine fail me, is that why I had cancer? Take care of your body and your mind in all of the ways that make you feel good. The drive ahead will not seem so daunting.

The bottom line is, you are on a journey, an adventure if you will that you would never in your wildest dreams ever choose to embark on. But you are in the thick of things and there is no turning back, no chickening out, the road ahead is not for the weak. To survive you must have the courage to forge ahead, face your fears and become an expert at extreme off-road adventures.

If you have suggestions for extreme off road driving, feel free to leave a comment.

Be well.

Lessons from the Demolition Derby

My friend Guiness Girl from chickswhochat.blogspot.com and I along with my two daughters ages 8 and 5 worked the at the fair to raise money for our company team participating in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in October. I was really dreading standing around at the fair for 6 hours asking for money. Was I pleasantly surprised!

My daughters had a great time and felt like they were making a difference for other women who, like their mom, are or will be diagnosed with cancer. Most people we encountered were very generous and appreciative of the work we were doing on a beautiful holiday weekend.The theme of the fundraiser was "Demolish Breast Cancer". We had 4 generous individuals donate their old cars, which were then painted pink. The afternoon was spent asking folks to "make a donation and sign the car!" We had people of all ages, genders and backgrounds signing this car from top to bottom and anxiously awaiting the demolition derby at which time these cars would be demolished as a show of support for the fight against breast cancer.

A day that I was not looking forward to suddenly became a life lesson for my kids and I. At the very least, my eldest daughter learned how to make change and practiced her math for the upcoming school year. More importantly, my girls saw people at their best, donating their money toward a cause that personnally affected my girls two years ago. People congratulated them on their mom's survivorship, told stories of their own experience with cancer, donated proceeds from the food we bought from them to the cause (thank you to the lemonade slushy and apple cider donut booth across from us).

There were kind people who thanked us for spending our day at the fair by working for the American Cancer Society instead of going on rides and playing games. There were men and women, boys and girls and yes....even teenagers ralling around this important cause.

Working this fair gave me the opportunity to show my girls the good in people. There are so many times where you have to shield your kids from being exposed to what is not right in the world --thank you to all the people who visited our booth and gave me the chance to show my kids that kindness, caring and generousity does exist in people from all walks of life!

Cancer can take away so many things from us, our friends and loved ones, our confidence, our ability to live carelessly. In my case cancer has given me a different outlook, enabled me to live fearlessly, more in the moment and appreciate simple things. This disease has allowed me to see the good in people in ways that I hadn't before. Cancer gave my kids a clear reason to get behind a cause that they could personnally champion so that their focus could be on more than just themselves and instead, be on making the world a better place for all.

At the end of the night my kids could not wait to have an ice cream cone and get home and see how much was raised from their efforts at the fair. We counted the box of donations, and that day our Team raised $817 toward the fight against breast cancer. My 8 year old then said "Mom....sign me up for next year!"

If you would like to make a difference, please feel free to check out my fundraising site and remind the women in your lives to get their annual mammograms.